Om shanti

it was an awakening experience
I didn't pray to shanti
but I wanted to
deep down  I felt it all surfacing
there was only three of us in the room but by the end I was so ready to release my tears
yet I held back because
I dont like hysteria
it was going that direction
I never knew I could carry pain so deeply inside me
physically
it's so crippling
I choked them back and tried to keep a firm face
om shanti she said we should repeat
I was silent
yet
everything in me wanted to release
to shanti
to Jehovah
to whomever would take it away from me
all of this now that I had discovered lived deep within
pain pain pain and  more pain
anxious me
trying to get rid of pain but afraid of being judged for it
for the method
for Om
take it then.
it's still here.