Coffee and Cigarettes

2015. I have a new found addiction to coffee. 

I've gone from no coffee to dessert coffee with plenty cream and syrup or sugar and milk, various Starbucks concoctions to sugarless coffee with milk. And this morning I finally had a cup of hot sugarless black coffee and I enjoyed it.

The aftertaste? Tastes like the taste I used to get after kissing my boyfriend after he's had his cigarettes. Bitter, tasty, foul but pleasant. I like it. 

I've had a cup of coffee every morning for the past two weeks just to keep awake/ get energy at the office and it's worked like a charm. Is this what growing up feels like? The sudden change, surrendering into habit?

Friday night last week I finally understood the phenomenon of coffee and cigarettes. My whole life I've been reading in fascination about these "sophisticated" city women enjoying coffee and cigarettes as a guilty pleasure of their not-so-ideal, successful lives. I've wondered what it meant, what it felt like. I've tried it with my caramel- infused lattes and giggled at my pretentiousness. My role-play, my aspiration. But never did I fully understand. 

Until last Friday night. Suddenly going out didn't seem so appealing. Not that night no. Other things were at bay. Other problems, thoughts, preoccupations. And the only temporary solution for my raging emotions, the only comfort suitable was coffee and cigarettes. Strong black coffee and tobacco- infused, bitter smoke filling up my lungs and relaxing my nerves with each exhale. Bitterness in my mouth so palatable, so comforting, so sweet to my soul.

I understood those women. I have become one. And for the life of me I quit smoking once before because I know it's a bad habit but right now I don't even care. I'll probably quit again when the time is right, I'll probably even quit the coffee but for now, it's all I have and it tastes and feels  good.