I miss Pietermaritzburg!

Today I realised that my life will never be the same again. I miss home today. I miss driving home late at night with my dad, I miss the family sitting around the tv. I miss my moms kitchen and preparing food there or watching my parents having breakfast at the kitchen table in the morning, arguing about whatever. I miss the garden and the spinach growing there, being sent to pick some. I miss seeing dad in the garden with his gardening boots and I miss sitting outside with my dogs in the sun or at the veranda in the shade. I miss sneaking out at night to watch the stars or meditate. I miss retreating to my cosy little room. I miss washing dishes at the kitchen sink and singing in the toilet. I miss greeting the neighbors and having my hair done next door. I miss our couch, or sleeping with mom when dad's away. I miss complaining to dad about the loud tv when I'm trying to sleep. I miss hearing dad come home at night completely unaware of how loud his car radio is while he parks. I miss home. I miss the post office and the taxi rides home and the interesting people in them. I even kinda miss the taxi conductors arguing about which taxi I should get into when they recognise me at the taxi rank. I miss that the taxi drivers knew who I was and where my stop was. I miss watching the sunset over the mountains from my sisters window. I miss Scottsville and hanging around 50's with my best friends. I miss the Msunduzi River and the people canoeing on it. I miss the bridge with the hobos that live under it. I miss the jacaranda trees that make me sneeze in the Spring when they bloom full purple decorating the city! Boy, I miss Pietermaritzburg!

 

Valentines Day, White Day!

I would not like to be a Japanese guy on White Day. Especially the popular ones. Its Valentines Day today and I've been watching my coordinator receive endless amounts of frilly pink presents and decorated candy, chocolates and cookies for Valentines Day from his wife, collegues and friends. This means that on March 14th he needs to send back three times this amount of gifts back to these ladies because thats how it works in Japan, and some surrounding countries.

Men receive candy and chocolates on Valentines Day. Handmade gifts are more special. It has to be nicely decorated to show you put effort into it and Japanese men look forward to getting stuff from their wives,girlfriends, mothers, admirers etc. It is expected that this gesture is returned a month later. That's a lot of money spent on chocolates for some guys.

As for me, I've never believed in Valentines Day,never received anything, never complained about it, never given anything either. So suddenly a few days before Valentines Day I was surprised when I was asked to contribute so that we would get all our male collegues obligatory chocolates for Valentines Day. I understand its a cute gesture but I still find it unnecessary. I will send chocolates to some guy I don't even like and they are obliged to send me back three times that amount a month later all in the name of Valentines and White Day because everyone else is doing it. As if I don't eat enough chocolate already, as if he needs more chocolate and obligations. As if any of us needs to be spending that much money on stuff we probably won't even eat!

So I chose not to be a sour-puss and contributed but honestly I would rather NOT receive anything in return. This is impossible in Japan.

Let me tell you a bit more about where I'm coming from. Where I come from, Valentines Day is probably not as big as in Western countries although we are fairly Westernized. Girls and guys enjoy exchanging flowers, usually roses or chocolate or jewelry or small gifts on Valentines Day. Some have special dates,dinners, trips, whatever. Its also a treat time to send your secret admirer something. A single red rose is a common gesture amongst teenagers, even amongst friends. You never expect anything in return, especially if you're a guy. Mostly the guys spend money on girls.

That being said, I come from a culture where women aren't expected to pay for anything ever in a relationship really. In my culture a man flexes his power by spending money on the women in his life. The women have other ways of treating their men. Small gifts to your lover or to the men in your life, your father, brothers, cousins are OK. Like the Japanese, in my culture its more appreciated if the woman uses her hands to make stuff, gifts for the men in her life. However no gift is required to be succeeded by an obligatory gift or gesture at any moment, coming from either sex.

In that sense then, it makes me uncomfortable to be giving just any male person a gift, especially on Valentines Day. Back home that gesture is left for lovers and admirers and courters. At the same time, receiving something back often signifies a mutual interest, arguably to the extent of the value of the returned gift. For example, if I have a crush on a guy and I send him a single rose, he would return a bunch of roses to say that he likes me too and wants to persue a relationship. If he returns a single rose it would mean he wants to be friends only. This is a gentle letdown. Not returning the rose would be rude and read as rejection. There's many varying ways to do this and it also depends on a persons budget but the point is, communication is made through those gestures.

However, I came here to experience Japan and this is part of that. Never mind that Japanese people have expensive habits, its part of the reason their  economy thrives so well.Compared to our stingy habits.

I should think though that I will still be embarassed if I receive anything for White Day, whether a returned gift from the people I gave candy to on Valentines Day or just obligatory White Day gifts. After all, this is Japan and men here aren't very good at straight up mackin' on girls. Gifts here actually have meaning. What a confusing paradox.

So heres my player tips for Japanese men in White Day trouble:

Chocolate is bad for your gut. It's bad for your teeth and for some of you, even bad for your skin. Too much chocolate is bad for your stamina. Not impressive. Keep all the Valentines gifts you get from all these women. Don't eat any. Chocolate doesn't expire quickly. Keep it for a month, change the wrapping and add a few more chocolates. Send it back to the various random people you got gifts from. Be careful not to send the same chocolate back to the person you received it from, thats suspicious.

Now you can keep being popular without ruining your health. Know the game, player player!

Western men, stop complaining, you have it easy!