A fish out of water

Sometimes though, being a fish out of water while you want to feel the sand and taste the air. Can't help but bite the dust every now and then. Flip turned upside down, tossed inside out. It's not the nature of the fish but the spirit of adventure that lives within it. After all, you're a fish out of water and back in the sea you will appreciate the coral more, maybe even the sharks. Back there you will have stories to tell. No longer just a big fish in a small pond but perhaps a fish once dried and a fish once survived.

Over the sunset by the sea

Dressed for the serenity of the sea, I'm doing me. Inside out, pacificity displayed like a prayer in meditative pose out there on the edge of the waters. We are connecting , ocean an me. Like natural lovers wooing each other, she sighs and I humor her, she roars and I turn away. We're like children, easily excited. She splashes, I splash and then she envelops me. Selfishly. Hugging me. Smothering me. It should be hard to breathe but honestly I want to be there, choking as if she has me. Really I'm just flattered she loves me so much, after all we came from the same source. Im just as dangerous as she, drawing people in selfishly to envelop them and suffocate them with my love. It only takes a toe in the waters, next thing you're so excited you're being swept away and life will never be the same again without that water. A thirst quenched by an endless source of water that only leaves you thirstier you can't help but wonder why you ever tried it and if you would've ever experienced happiness had you never gone there. Gone that far. 

I love you Ocean. Now try not to hurt me.

The five continued

Ok here it goes:

The five types of parties you will have for one occasion.

1. The main party for the event. This is usually done at a fancy hotel. It starts at about 6/7pm. Dress code is often business casual. Or formal. There's speeches or even games to get people talking and entertained. You take a group picture. You act like proper decent people, pick at the copious amounts of expensive buffet food and laugh decently. The alcohol begins to loosen you up.

2. The main party's second party is at karaoke or an Izakaya. It's still the same night, maybe at about 10pm you move from the main party, some people decide to go home.  It's now time to get really drunk and rowdy. It's said that if you have a bone to pick with someone this is the perfect time to do it because come Monday morning everybody's gonna pretend it never happened. Also, if you have your eye on someone, nows the time to talk. Sing your heart out and drink and be merry! Nobody will judge you. ( within reason ofcourse) I find it odd that some people still find it necessary to order food at this time... After we just had a buffet...

3. The departmental party. Exactly like number one only it's at a fancy restaurant instead of a hotel and depending on where you are you may dress casually.

4. The women's party. Exactly like number one only with just women.

4. The women's party's second party. Exactly like number two but only women. This is a nice way to get to know your coworkers on a more personal level. Ask them about their babies. Exchange beauty secrets and nappy changing techniques. Gossip about husbands. Support each other. Or so I heard... I've never been there.
No honestly when I asked about the womens parties they said it was a support group for expressing female issues that men don't understand, including raising children and balancing work with family.  I have no idea why this needs a party but that's because I come from a culture where we just talk and are sometimes in each others business too much.

If you're a teacher and you have more than one school, you might have to do this for all of your schools and yes, some are compulsory. Well, nobody's gonna tell you that directly. They're just gonna tell you that it's good for work relations. That means you have to go.

The five questions everybody will ask you when you meet them for the first time:

1. Can you speak Japanese?

2. Why did you come to Okinawa/ Japan? Often followed by Do you like it here?

3. Do you like Okinawan/ Japanese  food? Often followed by What do you like?

Now, this is one question that EVERYBODY will ask you, without fail so have an answer prepared. I'd like to admit here that I don't like most of the food I've been exposed too mainly because its all fried and I'm not a fan of starchy , sweet food (except for flour products, my weakness). But I heard its insulting to say you don't like the food here so I often nod and agree and then dread the follow up question because I have to pick a random dish. It's especially painful if the person won't let it go and keeps asking me to name more foods...

4. Did you come alone or with your family?

5. How long will you stay here? OR How long have you been here? Sometimes I can't tell which one a person is asking because they're speaking in Japanese and I have limited Japanese listening skills or they're speaking in very broken English it's hard to tell. So I answer both.

Those are expected questions. Then you get these:

1. How old are you? (24 is very young here)

2. Can you cook? Do you cook everyday? What do you cook?! This question often comes up when we talk about the foods I like which is a nice relief for me because then I can explain that the reason I haven't been exposed to so many local foods is because I cook everyday!(lies)
Then I explain how I mimic Japanese food with my own spicy, unfried twist. People find it impressive. Score!

3. Do you live alone? Or where do you live? Now I don't know how normal these questions are but I try to be careful because well...its weird and potentially dangerous. Yes I live alone but with people around me all the time and then I name a random area around where I live.

4. Do you have a boyfriend?

5. Do you find Okinawan/ Japanese men attractive?  (Whichever way I answer this is bound to get me in trouble with somebody so I answer " Some" and hope that they don't pry further, which noone has yet.)

The five most annoying  things people say to me and the responses I don't say (to be polite and understanding):

1. I have a friend in Sierra Leone.

That's nice. I have a friend in the Phillipines.

2. You must teach me Spanish!

Really? Say it with me. South Afriiiiiiicaaaaaaa!

3. Africa! Wow! So you speak French and Swahili!!!!

Da fuq?!

4. So which country in South Africa do you live in?
Egypt.

5. So where in America are you from?
I' m not American.
Really, you're from the U.K?
No.
Oh! Carribean?
No.
Omg, are you Philipino?
(Really? ) No.
Erm...
I' m African.
Sugoi!!!!

Because nobody expects the product to come straight from the factory. Does the factory even exist?

At least I'm doing my bit for cultural interchange.

The five most insulting things people have said to me:

1. I have friends in New Zealand who used to live in South Africa. Can I take a picture of you and send it to them? Maybe they know you. 

Dear Sarah Baartman. I understand and I'm sorry. Our turn will come . Soon.

( I  looked  at the woman suspicously and basically hissed:"Why?" She left me alone after that. )

Now what happened above is more than just a simple question. For those that don't know South African history, long story short, a lot of white South Africans moved to New Zealand and Australia after apartheid because... And Sarah Baartman was... Oh heck look it up.

2. Howcome you speak English so well? 
Erm... I'm not sure how to answer that. Should we start with South African history...

3. Howcome you don't have an African accent?
What does an "African" accent sound like? I do. It's a South African accent.

4. You don't have to sign this, it's for the teachers.
I'm a teacher.
No I meant the Japanese teachers.
Oh, so the Chinese teacher doesn't have to sign it either?
Oh, no she has to sign it.
Oh, I thought you said it's only for Japanese teachers.
Yes but she's a real teacher.

(The life of an ALT, because we come all the way from our countries to pretend.)

5. How do you wash your hair?
Nicely with shampoo and water.

Ok so there will be only one more post on fives. Thank you for reading and please leave a comment!

The Five

Ok since I'm not really good at recording things as they happen for people back home to see what I see(I prefer the good old fashioned face to face conversation ), I have decided to write this blog on five things in each aspect I want to talk about. There's a lot so prepare yourself. Here's five of everything I need you to know right now.

My five favorite places in Japan (In no particular order):

1. Harajuku. All those that knew me in college will immediately understand why. I was harajuku before I even knew what harajuku was. Although in college I did know what it was and I loved it! I wish I could move to Tokyo.

2. The beach. I love all beaches really and I like meditating there. I haven't been able to be by myself on any beach however and its heartbreaking that I live on a georgeous tropical island but I have to travel through traffic to the next city to enjoy any beach because the one down the road from me has a military base. Let's move on from this depressing topic...

3. My apartment. When the going gets rough and I'm feeling too much pressure I retract into this fort where I'm neither in America nor Japan and I am sane. I'm neither trying to be polite nor representing anything. I'm just me. Being. I might play South African movies and music if I'm missing home sometimes. I'm a socialite but I do appreciate a lot of time by myself. It's nothing new, I grew up this way.

4. Tokyo. I fell in love with this place. I guess its just the city vibe and the constant running around that I did there that reminded me what I really enjoy doing in life. I like to be busy. I like Okinawa and everything but I finally understand why people ask me if I like it so much or why I chose it. (I didn't choose it, but we don't want to upset people now do we? )I'm trying my best to feel like I'm not betraying Okinawa here. Okinawa is not really Japan. It's Ryukyu. It's beautiful! And mysterious and many other wonderful adjectives and I love it but I came here looking for Japan.

5. Miyako island. Now I've never dreamed I would set foot in such a beautiful tropical island. It seems like a dream. Even now it doesn't quite feel like reality but being there was completely euphoric for me and its as if I was on a five day high. Which somehow makes me glad I only stayed there week. I think I was too happy. Maybe its the water?

My five favorite Japanese/ Okinawan foods( In no particular order):

1.  Japanese soba. Buckwheat soba. It's delicious. And I love those tiny noodle stops at subways stations or little corners and passages in Tokyo. They really are small and some don't even have seats so you eat standing and you slurp away quickly and move along because its not a restaurant. It really is a fast food stop.

2. Hijiki. When I got here I discovered seaweed. (Its not popular back home, Im not even sure its available). I have tried various kinds and I'll happily say that I'm a seaweed lover but I can never remember any names. Except for hijiki because its everywhere and I think its really delicious. Its black and I think it makes my rice look nice.

3. Sweet beans. When I arrived here I didn't like the sweet beans or the sweet bean paste or the fact that people here thought it was the perfect replacement for chocolate and ice cream and  substitute both with it in many desserts and sweets. Sweet beans are really really sweet! I really have grown to love them even though I can only have so much. And what do you know, less calories!

4. Japanese bread. Japanese bakeries are some of the best in the world I've heard. I wouldn't know, I haven't been anywhere else. The bread here is amazing. All of it! They also bake awesome, creative cakes and other confectionery  but I really enjoy the bread and pastries. Flour is my weakness!

5. Seafood. I wasn't a big sushi lover when I got here. I still can't stand wasabi. However, I'm growing to love sushi and sashimi, especially if its salmon. I love salmon! I've also been exposed to a much much wider range of seafood since I got here.  The Zulu diet doesn't have much seafood in it. I love it! And I love the variety of fish and shell fish so much so that I attempt to cook it best I can (I mostly grill really). My diet is becoming pescatarian and this is my ultimate goal. I still have a big thing for chicken though. But I've found fish that tastes like chicken. I have no idea what I'm buying most of the time but I experiment and most times I get nice surprises. I haven't attempted making sushi yet... Thats a delicate skill (choosing fish I mean). I don't remember names. I just know its all seafood that I buy. Yum!

My next posts will have more fives as a continuation of this blog!

Looking back at 13 year old Kho

I suffer from nostalgia  from time to time, but I've learned to not let it take over me now because it can get dire. Listening to some pop music in the staffroom today I'm suddenly stuck wondering why I can no longer just enjoy this music on my own now. I don't go online to look for pop music and I certainly don't browse around that section of a music shop. Yet ten years ago its mostly what I listened to. Then my mind trails off...

Ten years ago today I was in grade ten. A year before that I wasn't attending Saturday school yet because I wasn't doing Science. So I would spend Saturday mornings cleaning and then spend the rest of the afternoon reading novels and listening to music simultaneously. East Coast Radio was my favorite station and I listened to the Top 40 chart from 1-5pm every Saturday without fail.

It was a magical time I spent with myself, I loved it. Thats where my love for music was first nurtured until I learned to write my own songs and then I started writing music instinctively. Form and wording came naturally. Wher did all of that go? I could call it consciousness and moving into hip hop, rock and other ways of expressing my anger and growing frustration with dissilusionment but I cannot deny the fact that after all that, at some point I gave up my art. I forgot the purpose of music and I lost all feeling of it.

Now I struggle to write at all, I don't sing unless I'm drunk at karaoke and I hate that I don't quite know how to break out of this. My understanding of music, since my music degree has changed and I have a deeper appreciation of a much wider spectrum of music but that doesn't change the fact that my understanding of the core concept is burried, mabye suppressed for what I have thought to be higher enlightenment until now.

I guess the nostalgia lies more with the little girl that didn't know much about the world and therefore wasn't consciously affected by the issues and politics around her. Its the innocence and all the bliss and peace of mind that comes with it. Its the appreciation of feeling over thought, the sincerity of just being without wondering or worrying too much about what this means or how people view it.

I stopped reading too. First I stopped reading novels because I was angry at the way they warped my perspective of reality. I quit watching television for the same reason. Those things I don't regret. I do however read much less now than I used to because non fiction can get really boring, but I'm steadily getting back in the habit. And non-fiction catagorized books aren't always truly non-fiction. I guess I just choose my influences more critically now.

All in all, growing up is interesting and at 24 (almost 25) I feel that lots will still change about me. I just don't want the final product to be sour, bitter and angry at the world. After all, I enjoy being here. The world can be a wonderful place if you have the right attitude.

I miss Pietermaritzburg!

Today I realised that my life will never be the same again. I miss home today. I miss driving home late at night with my dad, I miss the family sitting around the tv. I miss my moms kitchen and preparing food there or watching my parents having breakfast at the kitchen table in the morning, arguing about whatever. I miss the garden and the spinach growing there, being sent to pick some. I miss seeing dad in the garden with his gardening boots and I miss sitting outside with my dogs in the sun or at the veranda in the shade. I miss sneaking out at night to watch the stars or meditate. I miss retreating to my cosy little room. I miss washing dishes at the kitchen sink and singing in the toilet. I miss greeting the neighbors and having my hair done next door. I miss our couch, or sleeping with mom when dad's away. I miss complaining to dad about the loud tv when I'm trying to sleep. I miss hearing dad come home at night completely unaware of how loud his car radio is while he parks. I miss home. I miss the post office and the taxi rides home and the interesting people in them. I even kinda miss the taxi conductors arguing about which taxi I should get into when they recognise me at the taxi rank. I miss that the taxi drivers knew who I was and where my stop was. I miss watching the sunset over the mountains from my sisters window. I miss Scottsville and hanging around 50's with my best friends. I miss the Msunduzi River and the people canoeing on it. I miss the bridge with the hobos that live under it. I miss the jacaranda trees that make me sneeze in the Spring when they bloom full purple decorating the city! Boy, I miss Pietermaritzburg!

 

Valentines Day, White Day!

I would not like to be a Japanese guy on White Day. Especially the popular ones. Its Valentines Day today and I've been watching my coordinator receive endless amounts of frilly pink presents and decorated candy, chocolates and cookies for Valentines Day from his wife, collegues and friends. This means that on March 14th he needs to send back three times this amount of gifts back to these ladies because thats how it works in Japan, and some surrounding countries.

Men receive candy and chocolates on Valentines Day. Handmade gifts are more special. It has to be nicely decorated to show you put effort into it and Japanese men look forward to getting stuff from their wives,girlfriends, mothers, admirers etc. It is expected that this gesture is returned a month later. That's a lot of money spent on chocolates for some guys.

As for me, I've never believed in Valentines Day,never received anything, never complained about it, never given anything either. So suddenly a few days before Valentines Day I was surprised when I was asked to contribute so that we would get all our male collegues obligatory chocolates for Valentines Day. I understand its a cute gesture but I still find it unnecessary. I will send chocolates to some guy I don't even like and they are obliged to send me back three times that amount a month later all in the name of Valentines and White Day because everyone else is doing it. As if I don't eat enough chocolate already, as if he needs more chocolate and obligations. As if any of us needs to be spending that much money on stuff we probably won't even eat!

So I chose not to be a sour-puss and contributed but honestly I would rather NOT receive anything in return. This is impossible in Japan.

Let me tell you a bit more about where I'm coming from. Where I come from, Valentines Day is probably not as big as in Western countries although we are fairly Westernized. Girls and guys enjoy exchanging flowers, usually roses or chocolate or jewelry or small gifts on Valentines Day. Some have special dates,dinners, trips, whatever. Its also a treat time to send your secret admirer something. A single red rose is a common gesture amongst teenagers, even amongst friends. You never expect anything in return, especially if you're a guy. Mostly the guys spend money on girls.

That being said, I come from a culture where women aren't expected to pay for anything ever in a relationship really. In my culture a man flexes his power by spending money on the women in his life. The women have other ways of treating their men. Small gifts to your lover or to the men in your life, your father, brothers, cousins are OK. Like the Japanese, in my culture its more appreciated if the woman uses her hands to make stuff, gifts for the men in her life. However no gift is required to be succeeded by an obligatory gift or gesture at any moment, coming from either sex.

In that sense then, it makes me uncomfortable to be giving just any male person a gift, especially on Valentines Day. Back home that gesture is left for lovers and admirers and courters. At the same time, receiving something back often signifies a mutual interest, arguably to the extent of the value of the returned gift. For example, if I have a crush on a guy and I send him a single rose, he would return a bunch of roses to say that he likes me too and wants to persue a relationship. If he returns a single rose it would mean he wants to be friends only. This is a gentle letdown. Not returning the rose would be rude and read as rejection. There's many varying ways to do this and it also depends on a persons budget but the point is, communication is made through those gestures.

However, I came here to experience Japan and this is part of that. Never mind that Japanese people have expensive habits, its part of the reason their  economy thrives so well.Compared to our stingy habits.

I should think though that I will still be embarassed if I receive anything for White Day, whether a returned gift from the people I gave candy to on Valentines Day or just obligatory White Day gifts. After all, this is Japan and men here aren't very good at straight up mackin' on girls. Gifts here actually have meaning. What a confusing paradox.

So heres my player tips for Japanese men in White Day trouble:

Chocolate is bad for your gut. It's bad for your teeth and for some of you, even bad for your skin. Too much chocolate is bad for your stamina. Not impressive. Keep all the Valentines gifts you get from all these women. Don't eat any. Chocolate doesn't expire quickly. Keep it for a month, change the wrapping and add a few more chocolates. Send it back to the various random people you got gifts from. Be careful not to send the same chocolate back to the person you received it from, thats suspicious.

Now you can keep being popular without ruining your health. Know the game, player player!

Western men, stop complaining, you have it easy!